Home in ColoRADo

I’ve been back home in Colorado since Sunday. I left Bloomington at around 4pm on Saturday and just drove Gertie and I all night on I-70 and arrived at my cousin’s around 8am. The drive was without incident but my body is still in pain from sitting for so long. In case anyone was wondering (and I know you are because it’s the #2 question people as when they see my car), Gertie fits in the passenger seat just fine. I put my suitcase in the legspace and she’s able to curl up and sleep. She is a very good girl.

As much as I like being home, there’s a sort of alien feeling to it. Life here moved on without me and everything is mostly the same but with tiny changes that remind me that my place isn’t here anymore. I love staying with my generous and beautiful cousin and her wonderful husband, but it’s not my home. I enjoy seeing my friends, but now there’s a distance because our lives are so different now.

There’s also a part of me that doesn’t want to see people (despite desperately wanting to see them) because I don’t want to talk about grad school. I feel like I left with such high hopes and expectations for myself and I was so confident that I would do well and everyone was so encouraging and I felt like people had so much faith in me and that I wouldn’t let them down. Part of me is afraid that they want to hear how I’ve been killing it in grad school and living up to my own hype.
The truth is that my first semester of grad school truly and thoroughly kicked my ass. It wrecked all of my inflated self perceptions and made me confront the reality that I am not as smart as I thought I was, I’m not tough, and I’m not special. In fact, as I was writing that I started crying in Einstein’s which is the angel on top of my mediocrity tree. Grad school has brought out every one of my insecurities and pooped on them. But no one wants to hear about that and I don’t want to talk about it. But I also don’t want to pretend that it hasn’t been the hardest semester of my life by far and that I’m terrified that I’m in over my head, that I won’t be able to complete my degree, and that I’m wasting tens of thousands of dollars for something that is unattainable for me.

Also, travel constipation is my reality and I keep stress eating everything and bloating up and nothing is coming out. I’m going to head to King Soopers and get stuff to assemble a fiber-lactose cocktail that will blast out my body tubes. SO I’VE BEEN COMPLAINING to a select audience recently that I’m not excited for the next Pitch Perfect movie to come out because people compare me to Fat Amy a lot and it’s really unflattering. Not because Rebel Wilson is unattractive or her character is not hilarious, but because it’s an image I don’t care to represent. There is a big disconnect between what I say and what I think I’m saying and I’m beginning to realize that the stricken-through text is the kind of material where people might create a comparison between what I say and what Fat Amy might say. I can see it, even if I don’t agree. I’m a chronic oversharer, I’m working on it, I will be better. But also this acknowledgement DOES NOT mean I welcome comparisons to Fat Amy and for the love of Christ if you call me Fat Keke it will hurt me irreversibly and I will remove you from my life. Not kidding, it has happened before. I’m a very soft marshmallow baby and I can take a lot but I can’t take that.

Right now I’m working on my resume to send out for internships. I’ve got my eye on one particular internship in the Indiana Housing & Community Development Authority and the application is due on the 25th. I don’t even know where to start with my resume. I’m basically starting from scratch because my most recent resume was from my job search to enter the glamorous life of an administrative assistant. So if anyone wants to shoot me a template or something, much obliged.

I will be in Colorado for another week and back in Indiana on the 30th. If you want to see me, you have to pay for my lunch because I’ve got $80 in my bank account that has to get me until my final payday and spring semester loan dispersal.

Also here are some nice Colorado pictures that I’ve taken with my shitty phone camera.

The Macky Auditorium at CU Boulder
Main Street, Littleton

New Years Resolutions 2017

So to start, these are my resolutions from last year. Let’s see how I did!

-Pet as many dogs as I can: I definitely gave this one my best shot, so I will give myself a pass.

-Get out of town at least once a month, leave the state at least twice this year: I failed really bad on this one. I did get out of town a few times, but never made it out of state.

-Pay off CC bill, 70% of private loan, start working on student debt: I was so young and stupid. I’m in worse debt now than I was then.

-Move out of my mom’s house: I did it!

-Choose a career and get a big kid job: I did it(ish)!

-Apply for Masters programs: I’m in the process of doing it!

 

So upon reflection I didn’t do as poorly as I would have expected and I am giving myself a pat on the back.

This year I’m going to focus on one major thing. I’m still going to work on achieving my goals, but basically I want to work on changing my habits in the long term and becoming better as a whole.

I want to spend this year focusing on reducing my personal waste. I’ve been working on this since last year and have done better than in the past but I’ve also gotten lazy and less diligent. This is how I’m planning on reducing waste and how you can do the same:

  • Stop buying paper towels
    • I’ve been doing this since March. Since then, I’ve only purchased 5 total rolls of paper towels and each time it was because Gertie got diarrhea and I wasn’t going to clean it up with a dish cloth.
  • Start buying more food in bulk
    • One of the things I’ve been worst at is buying packaged food when I could have bought in bulk and saved myself money and waste. Also, I am going to invest in some glass jars so that I don’t have to use the plastic bulk bags. I’m also going to get some reusable produce bags and I’m going to start bringing in my reusable grocery bags (another area where I’ve been lazy)
  • Composting
    • I live in an apartment complex that doesn’t compost and I don’t know how to take care of my food waste other than to bag it and give it to the people I know who compost. I think it would be really cool to start to write my city council and ask for a composting drop off for the city. I don’t know how to get something like that started, but I live near the Littleton Historical Museum (which is an operating farm,) and the Hudson Gardens (which could probably also benefit from community compost.)
  • Stop using straws and plasticware
    • I’ve also gotten a start with these but it’s hard to keep up. Whenever I receive or use any plasticware I take it home, clean it, and use it until it’s broken and then recycle the pieces. Plastic straws and utensils are really hard to avoid, but I’m going to be more diligent about bringing my reusable straws with me wherever I go and keeping eating utensils with me.
  • Avoiding chemical cleaners
    • This is also a toughie. I’ve been good with using vinegar to clean my surfaces but not so good about using sustainable personal products.
  • Buy from ethical companies
    • This is kind of broad, but I want to do more research about what companies I buy from and only buy from companies that are working for sustainability.

 

So these are the ideas I have for now and if you have any more please drop them off in the comments!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Roommate

I’ve posted a little on here and on my facebook about the weird shit my roommate does and I’ve gotten a few requests to elaborate on what my living situation is really like.

When my old roommate moved out she was responsible for replacing herself. My current roommate is the daughter of one of my old roommate’s coworkers. I met her once for 10 minutes, had a poor initial impression but I didn’t want to be a dick and make it harder for my old roommate to find someone. This girl came in for a 10 minute tour and decided that she wanted to move in without knowing any more about me. Also, not bragging but it’s a relatively expensive apartment for the area and for recent grads and at the time she was working at Walgreens.

That’s the backstory, I accept my share of the blame for allowing this to happen.

In the few days after my old roommate moved out and my new roommate moved in, I started putting up all the art and decorations I had been slacking on and spread my stuff out as much as possible to establish dominance. I still left room for her furniture and left half the storage space available for her use because courtesy.

She moves in, does not have much stuff but her dad bought a couch which was rad. She also has a Winnie the Pooh poster and sleeps with stuffed animals. She’s 23, but it’s not my business. First day she lives here she asks if I want to watch anime sometime, I politely decline.

It’s very clear that when she moved in she was expecting me to automatically be her friend. For someone who’s never lived on her own and who lived in the dorms all through college, it’s naive but expected. I’m nice, but I quickly set boundaries. I’m technically her landlord- I’m polite and professional but I’m not trying to be her friend. This carried on fairly well for a few months.

There have now been two times where I’ve initiated a conversation with her and both times she’s steered it into really odd places, like how everyone she’s ever lived with has hated her and how she’s never had any real friends since middle school. Very sad, not my problems and not really information you want your current roommate to know.

As time went on, things just started getting weirder. It’s not any sort of dangerous weird, it’s just a lot of stuff I don’t understand. I know that she’s scared of me and that she wants my approval. I think a lot of this weird stuff is coming from her perceptions and reactions of what I think but I don’t believe it’s my job to try and fix any of it. I’m not the Glinda to her Elphaba, neither the Henry Higgins to her Eliza Doolittle. If she wants help or has a problem she can ask about it but I’m not taking on responsibility for her baggage.

Any way, here is a list of weird things she’s done/is doing.

-I’ve only ever seen her eat cereal. Other groceries go basically untouched and she puts them away while still in the grocery bag so they all slip out every time I open the fucking door. Never cooks, not even in the microwave

-She no longer uses anything in the common areas. She does her dishes in her bathroom (that’s where she hid the soap) and otherwise stays in her room. *I bought my own gd soap, but if we’re going to hide things formally used as communal property, I should hide the trashcan, trash bags, sponges, scrubbers, broom, vacuum, cleaning spray, paper towels, plastic bags, and light bulbs because I’ve paid for all of those. I could also change the wifi password and stop paying the electricity bill since they’re both in my name.

-She has had kept a cake pan with fewer than one bite of cake in the refrigerator for 2 months now.

-She leaves around 7 am and does not return until past 11 pm most days.

-She will not keep her shoes on the shoe mat

-Stacked her cereal boxes on the floor next to the trash can for months. I wrote a note asking her to take them out but she never would until I started stacking them outside of her door.

-Rounded down on her rent until I confronted her about it

-Kept her dishes in a cardboard box on a shelf. Eventually I sold the shelf and put the box on the floor and it disappeared but she did not put the dishes away

-Has never received any mail, not even junk mail

-Did a knock-and-open while I was naked in my room, lingered

-Leaves her door open when she’s gone. I do this, but it’s so that Gertie can go in and out of my room during the day. There is no reason for her to leave it open.

-Doesn’t wash her sheets

-Will not go on balcony

-Has interrupted phone calls to tell me she’s leaving (out of the blue, this happens at random and has happened more than once)

-Might be a furry. I have no evidence to support it other than a strong feeling.

 

I’m a judgmental bitch, I know it. People have far worse roommates all the time and she’s not really that bad my comparison. But what it really boils down to is that I have absolutely no respect for her at all. Not because of any of the weird shit she does (except for the eating/hiding in the bathroom thing) but because she’d rather pay $1000 a month (that she does not actually have) to live in her bathroom than confront me about anything that bothers her or that she sees as unjust. Her mom came over the other day and was cold AF to me so I know she’s shittalking to her mom about me, but I haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve treated her like a professional adult but I’m pretty sure she’s been babied her whole life that she thinks anything who is not enthusiastically nice all the time is some sort of villain.

 

Anyway, if anyone wants to analyze this and get back to me for fun am always open.


 

PS- Thanks again for all the birthday wishes. I have always hated my birthday and this year was no exception, but all of you making living another year slightly more worth it. Over the past year, I can recall three separate times when I writing letters to my family and staring at a bottle of pill trying to drive up some nerve but there was always that voice in my head saying something like “you can’t blog if you’re dead” and that always brought me back. *

 

*that’s a joke**

**not the suicide part though***

***Sry, too serious but honestly am more stable now and have better coping methods so no worries about me at this time

Unapology

First things first, listen to this on loop while you read this.

Got my period this morning, which might explain some of the more passionate communications I’ve distributed this week. I’m not discrediting myself by saying that or suggesting my arguments are less legitimate and I stand by everything I’ve said. Hormonal fluctuations act as a megaphone for the emotions I’m already having that I’ve been repressing.

Historically, my emotions would have only served to discredit me as a woman in the public sphere. People still cite emotion as the reason women should not be in charge. Society has pushed women out of politics for millennia based on the thought that men are rational and women are irrational, rationality being the concept of thought unaffected by emotion.

Despite the obvious flaws in that logic, emotion is the catalyst of change. Revolutions are born from anger and passion. We need to be able to freely express how we feel for change to happen (actually, this is why some shady businesses don’t allow employees to break together.)

My hormonal fluctuations gift me with boldness and enthusiasm and I am thankful for it.

This is also one of the underlying themes of Legally Blonde. When Elle says she wants to go to law school she’s told she’s not serious enough to be a law student. Elle makes it clear that seriousness is no indicator of intelligence or capability and proved that she can be logical, smart, clever, and creative while still enjoying a full range of emotions. She includes Aristotle’s “Law is Reason free from passion” quote and rebuffs it by explaining that passion is what drives us to success.

I’m an argumentative person. I love debate because it’s the perfect combination of performance, drama, competition, and intellectual challenge.  It feeds directly into my superiority complex, my need for attention, my drive to win, and my fragile ego. That’s also why I never back out of a debate until I’ve convinced myself that I’ve won. I recognize that this mentality can be hurtful to other people but I’m not going to hold myself accountable for their emotions. If you’re hurt because I made you feel stupid or inferior, you should have come up with a better argument. Bring out some facts, cite your sources, get some quotes from people who know better, read a book, think critically. It’s not my fault if you walk into a fire without the proper equipment.

I’ll always apologize when I recognize my mistakes, but I’m over the elementary school mentality of apologizing for hurt feelings. I avoid making personal attacks of any kind but if I slip up I appreciate being called out.

In terms of this election, I’m never going to back down when it comes to defending the right decision for the country. The election has brought out the ugliest side of people- unearthing closeted misogynists and racists, people who are terrified of change and only understand how to hate. They’ve been boiling under the surface and now they’ve become unleashed and their toxic mentality has been encouraged. Fighting back against that mentality will take far longer than the election and a Clinton presidency. I’m going to fight for a more perfect union, where all people are treated equally by the law and by their peers. I’m going to do my damndest to educate as many people about what’s at stake here, I’m going to call out people who are spreading wrong information, and I’m going to keep spreading my feminist, liberal, socialist propaganda wherever I go.

Peace out,

Ke^2

 


I started writing this last Saturday before I heard the tapes and debate. Now, more than ever, it’s clear that Donald Trump not only an unstable racist misogynist, he’s also a sexual predator. He has threatened to jail Hilary Clinton upon assuming the presidency, which is actually exactly what Hitler and Mussolini did when they came into power, a move that has been condemned by the former Attorney General. He’s announced that he has cut ties with the GOP and it’s leadership. 

Frankly, the worst that could happen under Hillary Clinton is that we have a bad president for 4 years (which I doubt would actually happen based on her policies, but..) We’ve had bad presidents, it hasn’t been the end for us. Personally,  I believe she can make a positive change for our country and build on Obama’s work.

I don’t want to imagine the worst that could happen with President Trump, who has promised to punish those who’ve opposed him and who’s also stated that he would have his cabinet  sign NDAs because he knows he has no control over the shit he says.  I don’t want a president who sits up until 3 am trying to think of something mean to say on Twitter. 

 

 

 

 

Voting Third Party-Colorado

I’m all for voting for third party candidates. With candidates who don’t align with our bipartisan system, you’re likely to find a candidate who better fits your views and a candidate who is less likely to crush under the pressure of their party. That’s great.

Right now,the best way to express yourself as a third party voter is not by voting third party in the Presidential race but by voting for Congressional Representatives and Senators.

If you’re actually looking to affect long term change, you have to think bigger picture. Voting third party in the presidential race will not prove anything to anyone. You might feel great and justified after you vote, but it will be short lived because after 7pm on voting day you will see that your vote made little to no effect and you risk seeing the worst possible candidate as president. The smug satisfaction will not be worth it.

If you’re truly interested in a third party, vote third party on the state level. Having more third party members in Congress and in the Senate will build momentum for the next presidential election and eventually there will be an actual shot at breaking up the bipartisanship and creating actual change.

There is one senatorial position up for election and seven seats for the house.

This is a list of all the third party candidates for the Colorado Elections and a brief summary on what they stand for:

*Keep in mind, I’m only a humble blogger and am not excellent at hiding my biases

Senate Election:

Arn Menconi:  Green Party, Social Justice advocate, anti-war and wants to cut military budget and change middle east policy, all for solar energy and not down for nuclear energy, election reform, aggressive crackdown on corporate crime and welfare, pro-national healthcare

Bill HammonsPart of the Unity Party, advocates for 2nd Amendment, wants to replace Obamacare with simplified Medicare, thinks global warming caused conflict in Syria (actually some interesting ideas there), has plan for all male Syrian refugees 18-48 to be moved to Crete, pro trans bathrooms. (If interested, I suggest going to his platform page for a complete list)

Dan Chapin: Running as Independent, wants to make Election Day a paid holiday, $2,500 state tuition credit for public colleges and universities, stop profit motive for war and establish war tax until the costs of the war are paid including mental/physical health for veterans, immigration reform, also wants to create a federal mass transit project

Don WilloughbyWrite-In, wants to start democratic revolution and take down the 1%, hates lawyers, wants to take down violent video games and pornography (has some harsh words for Bill Gates and Steve Jobs), wants to bring all troops home and stop trying to “rule the world”, backed Bernie Sanders, calls himself Capt’n Don, wants to use military budget to afford national healthcare and bill Canada for the defense America has provided to them.

Lily Williams: Libertarianpro second amendment, wants a limited and constitutional government, free market solutions for healthcare, wants quick and transparent immigration policy, believes government should not restrict personal choices, drug decriminalization, pro strong military

Paul Noel Fiorino: Independent, ran for Mayor of Denver in 2015, ran for governor in 2010 and 2014, calls for election of chief of police and sheriff because the mayor’s office has too much power. There really isn’t a lot of information on him and I could not find his website.

 

Congressional Election (Remember that Colorado has 7 congressional districts and you can only vote for your own district)

1st District: No 3rd party candidates

2nd District: 

3rd District: No 3rd party candidates

4th District: No 3rd party candidates

5th District: 

  • Mike McRedmond: Liberatarian, no website

6th District: 

  • Robert Lee Worthey: Green Party, pro-choice, believes a nation is for the citizens not the government and the economy should reflect that (no more trickle-down economics), wants to propose a bill to make it a felony for campaigns or candidates to accept funds from any major private company and stop non-profit involvement in elections, cut all congressional and senate salaries in half and save $46 billion dollars (dammnnnn), believes political jobs should have the least job security and should be easily replaced, SUPER PRO CIVIL RIGHTS and supports BLM, GLBTA, the Muslim Community, believes no one should be scared to be alive, openly gay and super passionate about helping people. Pro criminal justice and police reform, environmentalist, wants background checks for guns and to regulate gun distribution. Also wants to stop Colorado rent gouging.*Author note- This is my district and I fully support this man. His website made me cry and from the other websites I’ve seen he’s put a lot more time and effort into it.

7th District

  • Martin Buchanan: Libertarian, seeks peace, balance, and freedom with no bailouts. Wants to work to stop climate change, wants fair taxes and to end needless taxation, pro immigration and really wants to help people, believes it’s our job to foster refugees since it’s pretty much our fault for displacing them in the first place (wham-o), opposes Obamacare but wants medical reform, wants to balance federal budget, wants to amend constitution to limit number of terms for congress and senate.

 

If you’re serious about supporting a third party, during this election find out which candidate you most closely agree with and compare that candidate’s platform with the major party platforms and cast your vote that way. If you’re still totally opposed to Clinton or that other flaming pile of fermented bullshit, vote the way you think is best. But if you want your votes to actually count, choose a presidential candidate who is most likely to complement your third party so that the change you want actually has a chance of making it.