I guess my final summer break ever ended last Friday but I decided not to write about it until the feeling of summer had completely gone.
I don’t mind that I stayed in Bloomington when so many of my friends went back to their own homes. If I had gone to Colorado, I would have been spending more on housing than I could afford or would have been in my mom’s cramped cabin in GMF (which I would not have been able to bear longer than a few weeks.) I liked getting to know Bloomington as a pretty quiet and empty place, getting to know the other people who stuck around better, and developing a routine that gives me a sense of purpose and includes brunch on Sundays.
The best part of my summer was having three day work weeks at my internship. If my internship was good, I wouldn’t have minded the daily commute but since I hated being there (specifically because being there made me question my life and career goals) the commute was a 180 minute roundtrip personal reflection on why I chose a LGM as a concentration in the first place. I’ve been avoiding talking about it at school because no one likes a whiny baby peepants and I am not going to commit my whole opinion to writing just in case but suffice it to say that I did not learn much nor did I have many responsibilities , I was actively discouraged from public service by multiple town employees, and that if I had the opportunity to do it again from the start I would refuse. It wasn’t all bad- I did have some good experiences and there were good coworkers around but IMO there was not enough good to outweigh the bad for me. I’m trying to re-brand the experience as a lesson in toughening up and as an example of how I will not want to run my city when I become a city manager.
The other highlights of the summer were having a weekly ladies group meeting and accomplishing my dream of starting a podcast, and getting a lot of free dinners. I worked out which is now only really evident in the slight definition of my cheek and collarbones. I think that if grad school and city management doesn’t work out, I could do very nicely as an independently wealthy woman.
I’ve felt weird being back in school this week. All summer I was looking forward to being back and seeing everyone again but instead I just felt anxious and sad. I’m not very excited for my classes and now there’s the added stress of trying to find a job before I run out of money. I liked it better when I was young and kidding myself. I’ve wasted being 25 years old in the worst way and have squandered my greatest asset, time.
My body wants to cry but my brain knows that I don’t have any really good reasons to so right now I’m watching Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey. If you’re a longtime reader of this blog you know how I feel about it. It’s not just about the superficial cry, it’s the real thing.
Going to probably lay low for a little bit and figure some things out (which is kind of funny since I only write on this blog once a month or less now) and hopefully you’ll see me again with some better news about my feelings.