So math camp has altogether been a miserable experience.
As you may remember from when I was studying for the GRE, math is the most frustrating topic for me, so to have it for 5 hours a day for 5 days is truly the worst.
The first two days weren’t terrible because I knew what I was doing and I could keep up but yesterday we started on things that were totally new to me and everything fell flat. I can’t understand where the instructor is going most of the time but there is no time for me to figure it out on my own before he’s moved on so I spend the rest of class just trying to catch up based on what’s been written and discussed without me.
There are 2 TAs there to help after class, but I’ve had to work during their office hours. Also my work has been preventing me from completing the homework so I’m already behind when I get there in the morning.
I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I can’t even manage math camp, how am I going to handle a full course load and work and my TA position? I feel so stupid when I’m trying to do the work on my own and now I’m so far behind that I’m trying to figure out what we did 2 days ago and while trying to work on what we did today. It’s so hard and I can’t make it make sense to me. I feel like I don’t deserve to be here and that I’m not going to be able to do the math work in my courses.
It’s also making me cry a lot because I hate feeling this stupid.