I’m not ashamed of wanting a relationship. It’s a regular thing for a person (except aro or ace people) to desire. But also by staying single I reduce my risk of being abused or murdered by a domestic partner by 100% (3/4 of all murdered women are killed by their domestic partners.)
I finally deleted my tinder and deleted all of it’s data. It’s been coming for a while, but the final straw for me was when I gave a guy my number (after a pretty good conversation) and the first thing he sent me was a dick pic with a caption that said “guess who this is?”
Some people might say “that’s tinder what did you expect?”
And that’s a good question. Why should I expect that a guy with whom I had a good conversation would offer me a modicum of respect? Should I expect every man I talk to to send me an unsolicited picture of his penis?
The bar is already literally so low but these guys would rather dig a tunnel under it than put in any effort.
I’m more or less adapting an identity of a misandrist. Obviously, I expect some backlash from this- a lot of people calling me a feminazi and other feminists diving in front of me to assure men that “feminism is not about hating men, don’t listen to her.” And that’s true, me hating men is a conclusion I came to on my own based on my experiences with men rather than through feminist study.
I wish no ill will towards men at all. I’m still dedicated to justice and equality and I would never let my personal feelings about men change that. I don’t want women to treat men the same way men have treated women for thousands of years- my agenda is and always has been to promote gender and racial equality. All that being said I also recognize that men suffer under patriarchy also, that men of color are targets of racial violence and that that is inexcusable. In short, my distrust of men does not interrupt my commitment to creating a better, safer, and just world.
If you don’t already know my dating history, you can ask me about it. If you do, you should know exactly where I’m coming from. In summary, it’s really bad. Despite that, I was maintaining hope that an okay dude would eventually come around but it’s a waste of time.
And it’s not even how I specifically have been treated by men. It’s how I hear my male coworkers speak about women. It’s the guys who say something sexist and watch me to see how I react to gauge how “cool” I am about it. It’s the stuff that they’ve liked on facebook that appears on my dashboard. It’s the college fraternities that have pledged to honor women and to act as gentlemen that simultaneously defend their rapist brothers and attempt to discredit the women who’ve accused them.
As far as I am concerned now, all men are guilty until proven innocent. I’m basing this on 20 years of conscious living and ~16 years of self awareness. If you expect the worse, you can’t be disappointed.
Misandry is not a threat to society. Let’s think of society as a river and we are all fishes. Misandry like swimming against the current. Any ingrained opinions I have about men will not change anything about their behavior because that behavior is reinforced by centuries of encouragement and approval. Misogyny is a part of that culture and behavior: it’s easy to go with the flow and just swim along. But if a large group of fishes start to deviate from that current, maybe we could make a different path.Once you get out of the current your options become limitless. Changes in the culture of misogyny will have a greater effect than misandry as long as people continue to rebel against it.
In short, I’m saying that me hating men does not help or change anything. Real change will only happen when people in positions of power choose to sacrifice their authority in favor of equality. It’s definitely happening, but it’s a slow process.
Also, I don’t see how this would effect anything about my dating life. Misogynists do whatever the fuck they want so I don’t see why I shouldn’t.
If you’re a guy reading this and your penis is shriveling with anger and you’re waiting to get the end so you can comment “not all men are like that” or “stfu fucking bitch” take a look at yourself and ask what you’re doing to change this perception of men. Certainly not by insulting random women with opinions on the internet. Do you send women pictures of your genitals without asking? Do you stare freely at women’s breasts when they are talking to you? Do you call your friends out when they are treating women poorly? Do you interrupt women when they’re speaking or mansplain to them? Do you know what mansplaining is and do you care? Do you constantly work in the best interest of women (which is ultimately the best interest for all of us?)
If you’re one of my guy friends and are reading this thinking “what about me?”
What about you? Are you guilty of any of the behaviors I’ve listed above or not? Be a good judge of yourself because I’m not passing judgement on you.
In other news, still unemployed and I still cry a lot. I’ve memorized 145/196 national flags, moved up two levels in German and Spanish, and one level in Dutch. Tonight I tried to make roasted brussel sprouts with balsamic reduction and my entire apartment smells like farts and vinegar. I took a GRE practice test and got 152 quantitative and 156 verbal, which is encouraging and helpful because I know what to work on. When I feel shitty about not having a job I remind myself that a good amount of my feelings of worthlessness stem from capitalism and that I have intrinsic value as a person.