My last day in the office was last Friday, and despite several interviews and several meetings with several employment agencies, I do not have a job.
I’ve literally been looking and applying for jobs for 2 months, so this is very frustrating and discouraging.
I spent a lot of my weekend crying and feeling sorry for myself, but I’m determined to make the rest of my time without a job as productive as possible.
This is what I did today:
6:30 am: Woke up to my alarm, remembered that my life has no purpose and went back to sleep.
6:50 am: Although my life has no purpose, Gertie is still wired to pee shortly after I wake up so I took her outside.
7:00 am: Went back to bed
9:00 am: Woke up again and put on my gym clothes. Sat down to tie my shoes, ended up watching American Horror Story on Netflix for two hours.
11:00 am: Took a break from AHS to make an oddly elaborate waffle breakfast and then took Gertie to the dog park.
11:15 am: Broke down crying at the dog park because Gertie and I were the only ones there because regular people work during the day because they have jobs and I can’t get one.
11:45 am: Got home from dog park, changed out of gym pants but kept my gym shirt on as a reminder.
12:00 pm: Tried to apply for jobs, got too frustrated and took another crying break. Also watched another episode of AHS.
1:15 pm: Tried studying for the GRE, failed my math quiz and cried some more because I’m really worried about being too stupid for grad school.
1:45 pm: Took a nap
2:30 pm: Finally went to the gym, was surprisingly busy so I only spent about 45 minutes there and made plans to go back and finish later.
3:20 pm: Went to the grocery store because v. low on food but also only have $6 in my bank account until Wednesday so I bought a bag of brown rice, a can of black beans, and a frozen lunch for tomorrow.
4:00 pm: Got home, took Gertie on another quick walk.
4:20 pm: Applied for unemployment just in case, double checked job boards and emails.
5:00 pm: Made pizza from scratch with my own dough and sauce.
6:00 pm: Watched Jeopardy, felt stupid.
6:30 pm: ????? I cannot remember
7:00 pm: Watched half an episode of the Big Bang Theory and felt weird so I turned it off.
7:15 pm: Talked to my mom about the fire near her house. Hung up and cried for 20 more minutes because of worry for mom and also self pity.
8:00 pm: Turned TV back on because I thought the new season of Jane the Virgin started at 8 but it actually starts at 9 so now I’m watching Supergirl and I think it’s stupid.
9:00 pm*: Watch Jane the Virgin
10:00 pm*: Cry because it will presumably be an emotional season premier and then go to the gym.
10:15 pm*: Try to finish workout, get distracted, turn in early.
11:00 pm*: Clean up and cry myself to sleep.
I hate my life. Also, my upper back, neck, and shoulders are killing me. I have to keep my upper body in a specific position or I feel shooting pain all through my neck and spine. I can’t get any work done because I can’t look down on my workbook. I’m leaning on a heating pad but I don’t know what more I can do.
Also I’m going to be 24 in a month which only reminds me how an entire year of my life has gone by and I have nothing to show for it. I don’t remember most of it because I didn’t do anything worth remembering and that’s depressing af.
I’m just not well equipped to be worthless.