My Depression As Told By Michael Scott

If you’re just joining us, last October I made a commitment to write openly about my depression and how it affects me on a daily basis in an effort to help de-stigmatize depression and other mental illnesses. This is another follow-up post about my life, my serotonin levels, and what I’m doing about it.

 After trying to work through my depression for the past decade using only natural methods, I had to admit to myself that they were not working for me. I’ve taken B vitamins everyday for 2 years, I stay active and eat alright but nothing was working to actually stop or prevent me from feeling sad and tired all the time. 

I reached a low point last week where I was actually hurting myself and when I realized that I had had enough and I made an appointment with my doctor to talk about medications.

I never wanted to go on antidepressants because I was worried they’d make me fat and kill my sex drive, that they would make me emotionally numb and apathetic, and that I wouldn’t be funny anymore because most of my humor comes from the fact that my life is a joke. Whatever, I’m vain. Sue me.

 I felt like my depression was always manageable as long as I could get through the day, and for a while it was working because I could sleep most of the time. When I started working two jobs, I lost most of my sleeping time and my socialization time which took a big toll and I also lost most of my days off. My home life has been in the shitter since I got back from Germany. I was making it work, but then my mom told me she was selling our house and moving to the mountains with her husband and her husband told me I wasn’t invited and I needed to pack my things and get out. Since that point, I’ve been unable to really do anything. I had to quit a job I liked so that I could make more money, and I’m still working two jobs and 12 hour days.

I always want to be a good friend to myself, but I haven’t felt like myself in months and I don’t like hanging out with me right now. If I knew my sister, my cousin, my friends, or anyone else was feeling this way I would do whatever I could do to help them, why wouldn’t I do the same thing for myself?

So that’s what’s up with me right now. I’ve basically checked out of everything else for the time being except for the part where I bought an $80 vibrator on Valentine’s Day and I’m trying to get my money’s worth. TMI? IDGAF. W/E, TTYL.

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