Whenever I’m in a busy parking lot, I usually take the first spot I see and then when I’m walking up I notice all the empty spots closer to the front that I missed. I feel like the same thing happens in my romantic life also and it worries me so I actively take measures that stop me from settling too soon.

I’m afraid of commitment for a lot of good reasons. I know that I’m inclined to panic and settle. I am afraid of missing out, and I don’t like to feel obligated to anyone other than myself. If I feel cornered I will fight my way out in the most irrational way possible, and I know that given the opportunity I would be a cheater.

I know all these things about myself but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to get out there and date people. As much as I like to be alone, there are a lot of experiences that are meant to be shared. And honestly, how long can anyone go just sadsturbating themselves to sleep every night?

So a few weeks ago I started dating someone and it was going really well. We both thought so. He asked if I would be his girlfriend and I said no, that it was way too soon and that I need to get over my own trust and commitment issues before considering dating someone exclusively. He said he understood and that I made sense and then we did sex. Since then it’s all been downhill. He texted me for a hookup (which I was down for obvi) but then he treated me like shit.

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