The summer before my third year of college I worked at Smaland in IKEA and it was terrible. I loved the company and the people I worked with, but there is no way I could ever tolerate children at that high volume ever again. Working at IKEA also introduced me to the magic of tropical starbursts.
|I still have this, thanks Lauren!|
That summer I also started my first gym membership. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I thought it was at least good that I try. I invited Maria to go with me one day and from that point on we were in the gym almost every day together. That was the real turning point for me to start a healthy lifestyle. That summer I was also a Pi Rho Chi, which made preparing for the new school year way more fun.
Being a Rho Chi was excellent because it offered me the opportunity to meet a lot of women from other sororities and find a new meaning to being greek outside of my own chapter. I also got to meet a lot of potential new members and help them to find their own chapters, which was also fun because I got to be one of the first people to judge them.
This year I was living in an 100 year old house at a busy intersection in Greeley that was right across the street from a fraternity house and a liquor store, which offered a lot of conveniences. I had (basically) 3 roommates with whom I was mostly okay, but it definitely could have been better, I had a huge room that fit all my stuff in it, and Gertie got to stay with me which was most important. One of my roommates had a dog who had a ton of behavioral issues, mostly because her owner was unwilling to give her the time and attention she needed. I don’t blame the dog for her issues, but adjusting to a dog like that and it was a big adjustment. Her owner also didn’t think it was necessary to pick up her dog’s shit from the front yard so it was covered all the time.
Junior year was also the year that I started hanging out with Sammy almost all the time. Sammy was the best friend of my junior year and whenever I think of all the stupid shit I did, she’s usually in that picture somewhere. This was also the time when Brittany was elevated to Best Friend status, although I can’t remember why or when we started talking more, just that we did.
Recruitment seemed to take up the whole beginning of the first semester. Maybe it was being disassociated from my chapter, but I was so happy all the time. I was looking good and feeling good and that’s kind of when I started being a slut. I did my first blowje, threw up on it, decided to never do it again. It was then I realized just how easy it was to get male attention, and without much thought to the quality of that attention, I got addicted to making men want me because (at the time) it felt like a personal victory. This was also horrifically bad timing because that November I turned 21 and I now had legal access to the start of all my worst hookups- bar crawl.
My 21st birthday was a lot of highs and lows. Sammy planned everything, my brother came up from Littleton to help celebrate. I did 21 shots, didn’t pass out. When I fell asleep, my heifer roommate and my idiot brother slept each other, effectively ending my friendship with my roommate and adding some serious strain to my relationship to my brother.
For those who were never a part of the Greeley nightlife, bar crawl was a weekly event where women could drink free at 4 Greeley Downtown bars until midnight. Obviously, nothing good could come from that, but I’ll elaborate in a bit about that.
About a week after I turned 21, the day before Thanksgiving Break, a kid from my class sent me a text asking if I would want to hang out that night. Now that I knew exactly what that meant, I decided that it was time to stop being a virgin and get the damn thing over with (so that I wouldn’t have anything else preventing me from a sexually free lifestyle). I invited Brittany over and we smoked a bowl and ate Cheba Hut, she left, the guy came over, it was all done. It was very anticlimactic. Weeks later, I would find out that the guy had a girlfriend and was basically a shitty human, but it doesn’t bother me so much knowing that I made the plans and the choice that night. It was all about me; I wasn’t “giving” my virginity to anyone, I was claiming my own sexual lifestyle.
|on the hunt for penis|
Winter break happened again and when I came back nothing was really different at first. I basically just picked up where I left off. A few weeks in, one of the Student Senate members tweeted about an open position and I applied on a whim, interviewed a few days later and was hired. The position was for Student Rights Advocate, which is basically the Equal Opportunity/ Affirmative Action coordinator; the Equality Police. I got the position by demonstrating my interest in intersectional feminism and other stuff like that. After 4 days in the position, I got a reprimand because of the content of this blog. Not off to a good start.
I shared an office with a cool guy named Garrett and my name was on the door. I spent most of my time reviewing bylaws (watching Netflix) and looking over the documents for the next week’s meeting (playing Game of Thrones Ascent) and helping people with their problems (texting). It’s not that I wasn’t doing the job, there just was not a lot to do. It did pay my tuition for the semester though. I kept a jar of tropical starbursts in my desk to lure people in and that’s how I became friends with my eventual best friend Gabe, because he would stop in and talk to me whenever he was in his office on the other side of the Student Activities Office.
That spring, I made plans with Maria and we went to Vegas on Spring Break and it was one of the worst vacations of my life. I think I would have enjoyed it more with someone else. not that I didn’t love spending time with Maria, only that we had totally different ideas on how to vacation. Monica met us there and that part was really great. You can read more about that whole thing right here and here.
When I got back I started working on my campaign to be the Student Trustee and Gabe was my campaign adviser. Spoiler alert: I lost.
This whole semester I was also still working in the EAS Office, but there was not much change there either.
This semester I was also taking some really heavy but interesting courses. I dropped out of German classes this year because a. no one was taking them so I’d have to do private study, b. I sucked at german anyway, and c. my adviser told me I wouldn’t have time to study abroad and still graduate on time.
For sorority formal that spring, I took my office mate Garrett and we had a really good time. I think it was one of my personal best formals up until the point where I puked in the bathroom and had to be carried out. I looked really good though.
Junior year ended on a whimper. After losing the election, I lost interest in my work. At this point I had emotionally checked out of ASA. There were a lot of guys who wanted to stick it in me but no one who wanted to actually date me. I ended the semester knowing that I had reached my peak and that senior year was going to go way downhill.
I will basically remember my junior year as the time when I was academically successful, my life was going pretty well, and as the time when I was at my most physically attractive. It was the year my legs opened for business and the year when I went to Vegas for spring break.