I never wanted to go to UNC. I applied as a backup and it was the first college to send me an acceptance letter. I was rejected from my first choice and I was accepted to my second, but it was too expensive so I panicked and accepted my enrollment at UNC just so that I had somewhere to go in the fall.
I thought of UNC as the ugly cousin of CU and CSU where all the other underachievers ended up. I remember thinking about the 6:4 female to male ratio and thinking that I would never find a boyfriend if I went there (which turned out to be true, but actually probably a good thing.) I was insanely jealous of my friends who were going to bigger, more prestigious universities around the country and settling for UNC reinforced all my feelings of inadequacy.
That summer I went to orientation and I pouted the entire time. I went alone because I was determined to separate myself from all the other people from high school. I stayed in my dorm the whole night instead of going out and trying to meet people and I just cried. When I got home I tried to apply to other schools for last minute enrollment but someone told me it would be easier to transfer after my first semester so I resolved to stay for the first semester and then find somewhere else to go.
The week before freshman move in I went on a weekend retreat with my church and so when I actually moved in I was SUPER religious and I would dedicate about an hour to prayer every night, which created a little conflict with my first roommate. Frankly, she was a cunt. I invited her to church as I was leaving one weekend and she told everyone on our floor that I was a crazy judgmental Jesus Freak who kept trying to convert her to my religion. Since I hardly left my room except to go to class and to church, everyone believed her and this fucker from my floor wrote me this horrible facebook message about how much everyone liked my roommate, everyone hated me for being mean to her, and that I was becoming “that girl” and that I needed an attitude adjustment. Around that time, she moved out without telling me and her sister wrote me this really shitty letter and my roommate wrote about my on facebook. Naturally, I had a bad reaction to all of this and basically isolated myself from my entire floor. My RA was a theater major who had no business being an RA, so nothing really got better there. Also, my roommate literally moved into the room across the hall from me, so I still saw her every day.
|My floormates, after our first floor meeting|
I did enjoy my classes. I liked walking to class from my dorm and I was a huge fan of the dining hall because I could have pizza, orange juice and cereal for every meal and no one could say anything about it because they were all doing the exact same thing.
A few weeks in, Panhellenic Recruitment was starting and I went to all the information nights. I walked past sorority row every day on my way into Frasier and I coveted sorority membership so hard. I wanted to be a part of it but I was terrified of being rejected that I almost backed out, but I signed up anyway.
My recruitment group introduced me to the caliber of women I would be with for the next four years, but most importantly introduced me to Babyhands, who later became one of my best friends and my hero because she lived on my floor and she saved me from total isolation in my dorm.
Recruitment week was a rush. My first day went really well, but the next day I was extremely dehydrated, nearly passed out during a house tour, and ultimately made a very poor example of myself. I was dropped from every house but two, so I picked one that night and gave up on the other and only ended up preffing at Alpha Sigma Alpha. As an Alum, I feel free saying that pref night is the most manipulative thing you can do to a young PNM. I felt like they already loved me and truly wanted me there (the next year, I found out that pretty much all of Pref night is scripted. But I accepted my bid and joined and that was my big turn-around moment.
|Me on Bid Day. Actually.|
Being in a sorority gave me the affirmation I needed. I had a place to go and I had a social calendar. While I was a new member, everyone was so fucking nice to me! I couldn’t believe it, I really felt like I had a home. I also had the opportunity to hang out with boys, which really appealed to me because I was (still am) the human embodiment of Tina from Bob’s Burgers. Monica became my big and my number one. I didn’t ever drink though and I was still religious. I got to know Colleen from going to church on Sundays and going out to eat after. I also met Janay at this time, but we weren’t friends yet.
I did well in my classes, I got a solo in Women’s Glee, so my ego was prime. After about a month of living alone in my dorm, I was assigned to a new roommate who had a gastrointestinal problem so she burped and farted constantly, but was still better than the first one.
On the ride back up into Greeley after Thanksgiving break, my grandma/best friend died. The next morning my mom found my cat dead under the kitchen table and that night our dog Charlie was unable to move from arthritis pain and my mom had to put him down the same day. It was the second worst week of my life and it was the week right before finals week, commonly called dead week.
Despite all that, I finished my first semester feeling much better about UNC and I basically forgot about transferring.
Like most freshmen, I was clinging to my high school friends and struggling with the reality that life continues for others whether I am there or not.
Second semester I got a job in the library, which took up a healthy amount of time. My job was to put books away and when there were no books to put away, my job was to stand in an aisle and read call numbers to make sure they are in order. I also napped a lot.
My farty roommate and I got along pretty well until the time she ripped open my robe in the hallway on my way back from the showers and everyone saw my tit. This was around the time that she came home drunk and peed herself on our floor. I didn’t talk to her for the rest of the semester after that.
Although I was slowly getting into feminism before, this was the semester where I really started to read and research and that I started identifying as a feminist. This was a big deal because I consider this the time that I started really thinking about the kind of person I wanted to be as an adult and I started to grow past my own experiences.
I still loved my sorority, but after initiation things really started to change. Reality hit me in a hard way; no one went out of their way to be kind anymore because they didn’t to convince me not to drop. That semester we also went on social probation, which sucked. Monica was going through her own stuff and we became more distant, which was hard for me since Nina had transferred back to Kans-ass and Babyhands had her boyfriend. While I had more people to fall back on, things weren’t as great as they had been.
Second semester I also decided to apply to the school of music and I spent a lot of time preparing for my audition. I auditioned in March and was accepted into the program, but when the time came to register for classes I realized that I didn’t want to commit to 3 more years of music theory and the competition of performing arts. So I downlow decided not to actually change majors and I registered for the classes within the school of communication and also for geography and German courses.
That spring I also had to miss a test date in my Geology course and made an appointment to make it up. When I went in to take it, I talked to the office manager, Vicki, for a few minutes before I took the test and when I came into the office again she asked me if I’d like to work there the following fall.
In the spring, Monica and I found a house to live in for the next year and I signed my first lease.
My second semester set me up for the big changes in the next year, but lacked the excitement of my first semester of college. By the end, I was totally committed to UNC. I built the foundation for the rest of my undergrad.
When I think about my freshman year, I remember the drama of living in the dorms, the glamour of being a sorority girl (except in real life, my sorority was totally like the nerd girl sorority in Revenge of the Nerds), hanging out in Harrison with Maria, dorm food, and being picked up by my brother when I wanted to go home. I remember thinking of camp
us as a tiny oasis in wasteland Greeley (although my mind would change about that later). They say that 3 of 4 of the people you meet freshman year you’ll never see again and that’s pretty much true.
Freshman year I was the virginiest virgin in the world. I couldn’t dress myself, I thought blue . eyeshadow and red lips was fancy (go big or go home). I wore my hair in messy buns, ponytails, or formal updo’s with absolutely no in between. I started my long term affair with netflix, I also got into Doctor Who, which totally added to the virgin factor.
So over the next 3 days I’m going to post 3 more posts about each year of college in honor of me graduating this Saturday, so I hope you all keep up with my on this walk down memory lane