I’m coming up on my one-month anniversary working at my current job. I am a hostess in a restaurant about a mile from my house. Most of the other hostesses are at least 3 years younger than myself. I have my Bachelor’s degree (pretty much) and I can speak three languages (pretty much). I am totally overqualified for this job.
But I love it. I love that it takes minimal skill or ability. I literally just seat people and hand them menus and peace out. Sometimes I talk to them for a little before going back to the little host island. It ultimately does not matter what I do because I am easily replaceable and my job does not mean that much. But like, everyone is really nice to me for literally no reason. I am a seriously shitty person but all the people I work with talk to me and are super chill and way cooler than me. I haven’t had that at a job before. Like, the people at Starbucks were great people but distant. Panera was basically a grabbag of crazy and everyone hated it/themselves. The other jobs I’ve had aren’t that comparable.
I feel shitty about myself
sometimes most of the time because I do feel like I’m not reaching my full potential and because I’m constantly comparing myself to my successful friends who found careers in their field immediately after graduating and are able to afford their own places and pay their bills and stuff. I’m so happy for them and I recognize that their success is to their credit and has no impact on me or where I am in my life. It’s just hard on me.
When I was studying abroad, my life was interesting and I could travel and challenge myself every day and people wanted to be around me because I was different and adventurous. Now that I’ve been home for a while, it feels like the adventure of my life is over. I’m not interesting anymore. I work to pay off my bills and that’s the bottom line. I am no longer a student so I don’t live between being drunk and hungover anymore. Most of my friends live far away, and I will probably never see 90% of the people I used to see everyday ever again.
I applied for about 70 jobs in my field and didn’t hear back from most of them. A lot of them turned out to be sketchy pyramid scheme-esque positions, or just sales jobs. I was hoping when I was looking for a job that something would jump out as something I could see myself doing. That obviously did not work. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, I just know what I don’t want to do. It’s like I’m both overqualified and underqualified but that they would not hire me no matter what.
I guess I’m just feeling pretty bummed out lately. I am trying to stop comparing myself to other people and focus on myself but really really hard because it’s all on facebook all the time.
Also sorry that I haven’t written anything that isn’t depressing in a few months. I don’t know what it is but I’m having a hard time writing anything remotely funny or interesting.
Also whenever I include selfies in a post I get 8x more traffic so here are some selfies of me from the past few weeks and also a terrible Tinder conversation that happened that I needed to share: