*EDIT I realize I posted this without any backround or explanation. I found my old myspace and these were among the gems I found in the “blogging” section, along with a ton of other really sad things. You can look through everything here.
Fake (August 19, 2007)
I’ve come to realize,
just about how much of me is fake.
What I make-up and pretend,
that I say is my true self.
And that no one,
not even the ones
who I’m close to.
I worry about people finding me out,
so I cover up more.
I’ve been covering lies with lies
so that I’m like a fly in a spider web
wrapped in so much that
I can’t get out,
and I can’t change.
I’m too scared to change.
Well Then… (May 25, 2007)
I constantly feel sick now
In the pit of my stomach
Why wouldn’t he like her more
Very possibly smarter
Has a personality
Better than me.
Anyway, he hardly knows me, and they’re together alot.
And sometimes you just want to be loved (May 17, 2007)
Current mood: lonely
Sometimes you want to be loved
to be smiled at
To laugh with someone
To look across the room
and see someone looking back at you
To have someone to think about
and wonder if they’re thinking about you
To have an obsession
and be an obsession
To make a constant
and keep it that way.
And sometimes you just want to be loved.
Instantly (May 16, 2007)
I turned around and saw his face
I turned away just as quick
I glanced again and saw a girl next to him
I wondered at the thought of the two
And emotion turned my stomach sick
I felt love, anger, jealousy, sadness and wanting
It hurt me, and I tried to sit through
But when I could leave the site, I headed for the door
Can I be your puppy? (May 11, 2007)
Follow you around
in a daze of mindless love and adoration?
Do you think you’d mind?
I could trot behind you all day
Pestering you slightly
And stepping on your heels.
I could love you endlessly
Just by following you.
You’d get annoyed after a while
then scold me
I’d be hurt a little and sulk off
but 10 minutes later I could be trotting along behind you again.
Do you think you’d mind?
Mind if I loved you?
The everpresence (April 9, 2007)
When he’s around I feel safe
In the same room
I always know he’s there
I can sense him there
I try to steal a glance at his face
to read his emotion
and wonder if he thinks about me the same
He’s looking straight back at me
So I turn away.
I hold my breath until
he leaves the room
And when I can breath again
I long for his presence once more
I try to block him from my mind
but nothing could hold back the force
and nothing stops his face from flowing
into my mind
I want him
I can’t have him
Never in the way I want
Too much of a difference
I’ve tried to forget him
but nothing blocks him from being there
Nothing can block the everpresence
and his face
And his face.