How to Passive-Aggressively Let Someone Know You Hate Them

Hello friends! I haven’t written in forever but now I finally have something worth writing about. I’ve been using  this method a lot recently and it’s only yielded good results for me.

How to Passive-Aggressively Let Someone Know You Hate Them

We all have someone in our lives who we wish we could beat up. I, for one, have many. Because it’s generally frowned upon to be openly hostile to others, I have a method that makes these people want to leave you alone and they don’t even know why. So let’s dive in.

The first and most important thing to do is to establish social dominance over the hated one. This is hard to do for some because it’s a delicate art- you have to own social dominance. In order to become socially dominant, you should probably have friends who like you (Here’s some instructions) and don’t mind if you’re an asshole. You have to be a decently good liar, actor and know how to be polite.
 A big part of social dominance is also to be very condescending in a subtle way. Condescension in a polite setting includes use of terms like “Sweetie” and “Hun.”  You also need to be able to physically impose yourself on people in a way that seems completely innocent, like stepping in front of them but immediately moving out of the way.

I’m going to illustrate an example of precisely what I mean:

 Let’s say I hate a girl names Jen. Jen is pretty obnoxious but we have a lot of mutual friends so I have to put up with her a lot. Jen seems to think we’re friends too, but that’s okay since it works to my advantage. I am at a party at a friend’s house and I see Jen there talking to one of my besties and I say “Aww hell naw” and start to walk over there. I walk with purpose, but not intimidatingly so. I approach from behind Jen and make eye contact with my bestie first and hold that eye contact until I’ve given an appropriate physical greeting. I start to make small conversation and then acknowledge Jen with eye contact and an enthusiastic greeting and a touch on the shoulder.

 Let’s break that sequence down: I make a situation goal- to greet my best friend. My secondary goal is to piss off Jen in a way that she isn’t able to explain to others and therefore make it her internal struggle. I can’t do anything straight-up impolite because that would destroy my credibility as a lady, but I can use my body language to signal my position as an enemy. I did this in this situation by refusing eye contact until I wanted to. My greeting to my bestie was genuine and warm but my greeting to Jen is enthusiastic but impersonal. I physically imposed myself by touching her shoulder.

The next stage in this interaction is to play around with mixed signals. I have started a new conversation in this small group and I include all participants. When Jen speaks I make direct, constant eye-contact. I am staring her down as she talks. I will not blink or look away until she finishes whatever she was saying. The whole time I stare, I use noticeably false enthusiasm for her input so that she knows I am listening and scrutinizing everything she is saying. I am seemingly engaged in the conversation and then I start pulverizing her with questions. I smile and laugh as I ask them and when she answers I give condescending nods.

I have to make Jen feel as though I want to like her but I find it hard. I want to make her want my approval, despite how hard it seems to acquire it and then I have to deny it to her in a way that makes her feel like it’s her own fault I don’t like her. It’s a tough job.

My concluding advice is to never, EVER say anything bad about her behind her back to anyone. No one can know how truly false you are being as a person because it destroys your credibility as a lady or gentleman. If someone asks you how you feel about them, all you have to say is “I don’t really know him or her very well, but he/she seems sweet.” This line works especially well if you’ve known the enemy for a while because it says to the other person that you know them and have had the opportunity to get to know them better but you’ve acted against it for some reason or another, showing them that you feel that the person is not really worth knowing.

I’m starting a lecture series called BITCH 101. You should all sign up. Not really, but I think I could if I wanted to.

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